Empowerment Parenting

By Joe Lu ...

I recently gave an interview to some kids and parents at WEquil School about my parenting philosophy. At the time I didn't have a name for it, but the term "empowerment" seems to fit. The goal is to help children become self-directed, responsible, compassionate adults as soon as possible. This doesn't mean robbing them of their childhoods. It means giving them the capacity for free-will ... so they can become response-able ... able to respond to the world around them with intention.

Introduction

I never imagined being thought of as some kind of parenting guru. My whole career was in finance and machine learning. But here I am, in the most female dominated field on the planet...talking to parents around the world about parenting. When Sumay and Aila launched WEquil School I took it upon myself to talk to every parent before allowing them to join. This was in part because they were only 7 & 10 at the time, so naturally I was protective. Screening parents is not something I had any experience with, so I just asked them questions and listened. Between January and July of 2021 I talked to over 500 parents from around the world...most of them homeschool moms.

During these discussions parents would often open up and admit that they were struggling...and sometimes even ashamed. They felt responsible for their children's failures, and wondered what they could have done differently. My response was always the same..."You are not a bad parent...the world changed."

Parenting Got Harder

My views on parenting are a bit radical...and that should be expected. Mainstream views on parenting don't seem to be working all that well...given how much young people are suffering, and how the world changed. Parents no longer have a monopoly on influencing their children. Today, parents have to compete against an entire world of ideas and attempts to grab their children's attention...thanks in large part to social media, but also the internet, video games, and the impacts of these technologies on our broader culture even if not your children directly. Parents used to have allies in their community, including neighbors and their local public school...all working together from a similar foundation of values and goals. This is increasingly not the case today. Therefore, it should be of no surprise that parents often feel isolated and alone in their struggle ... blaming themselves for their children's struggles. Our new reality requires a new approach to parenting.

Many parents say they have trouble convincing their kids to do things that they know are good for them. "If they would just listen", is a common refrain. Parents know their kids will be better off if they cultivate the capacity to apply themselves, build good habits, and surround themselves with quality friendships. In many ways, loving parents do "know" what is "best" for their children. They are older, wiser, and love their children more than anyone. For all these reasons, many parents feel justified in believing that they should have a lot of influence over their children, and be in a position of authority to tell their children how to navigate important decisions in their life. For centuries and beyond, we parents could force our kids to make the right decisions. Perhaps there was a time when that was the right way to go...but in today's interconnected world...putting your foot down is far more likely to end in disaster.