We all have ways of coping with and understanding difficult circumstances. You do not need advice or guidance from a deeply flawed and young man like me...but I will share one thing with you...mostly so that I will not forget it myself when I inevitably face tragedy.
... We all have beliefs ... deeply held ... about what life is supposed to be. What a good life is. Who we are. Why we're are here. But these beliefs are reflections of narratives imposed upon us far more often than they are truths. When we are unaware that we hold these beliefs we are slaves to them. Like believing that we need a promotion, need to be admired, or for me, that my children will always think I am cool (just wait until they are teenagers :) Billions of people around the planet immerse themselves in silly games without meaning...like obsessing over who has the best lawn or getting jealous when their colleagues or friends that make more money.
Almost everything people value ... and thus expose themselves to getting upset about day to day ... is a pointless, meaningless distraction from the only thing that matters. This moment. In time.
To live in the moment is a choice that we often ignore until we face death ... and we all do if we are honest with ourselves. The tragedy is most choose to live in a constant state of distraction as evidenced by the regrets of the dying.
We choose how to view our situation ... it is a choice. There is no guide rule for how good a life is. We decide through the paradigm we use to see ourselves and the world around us. What I know from my limited life experience are two things... 1) most people I know are miserable. 2) their misery is uncorrelated to circumstance. The peaceful warrior accepts death and misery as necessary for life to have meaning and value. If we had no struggle...there would be no opportunity for triumph...and triumph would have no value if there be no risk of failure. There is no ideal circumstance...no better burden to carry...no better life to live than the one we have. And when we accept that ... we become a stronger and more patient force for love and good in this world than we ever thought possible.
Your friend,
Joe